The scariest thing about vertical growth of consciousness is a hands-off understanding and growth of it, at least directly hands-off. The thing that I myself have a hard time getting past is that through meditation and self understanding you will grow. You may never reach the ultimate constant witnessing of a peak experience, but you must enjoy the occassional samsara.
The hard thing to grasp is that growth of consciousness will come naturally, like a plant, given the right conditions. However you must make sure that you are at the most optimum condititions to recieve that seed's growth. The soil, the basis for the seed's life, must be nutrient rich. Keep learning and understanding to enrich your consciousness' soil. The seed will need sunlight to be able to feed itself. Keep meditating to ensure that your consciousness can sustain itself without your direct interferance. Keeping all your conditions optimum means that eventually the seed will grow, your consciousness will expand and you will flex/flow. But, like the soil and the sun, it doesn't wait for the seed. It doesnt need the seed to benefit all the other seeds and life.
That is the hard part, keeping yourself at optimum condidtions and not yearning or waiting for the seed to arrive. I happen to be very goal-oriented, and when I want to accomplish something, I get it done. However, I've come to realize that this driving mechanism for my existance up until now, is tethering me to lower-consciousness. This striving for learning and understanding has gotten me this far, and I now realize that it too must be let go of.
I currently dangle over the cliff's edge. I'm surrounded and can peer into the hyperspace of open consciousness. However i'm dangling off the cliff's edge, tethered to it by the things i've used to get me to the cliff and finally to jump. The jump wasnt hard. I wanted it, and I wanted to understand it. I wanted to be immersed in it. That is the cord that keeps me attached to the cliff. I am so close to hyperspace, I can see it, but I'm not free of the cliff enough to explore and understand it.
That's when it happened. My dreams seem, for me, to be the ultimate gateway into understanding. In a dream, you are aware of this new world, and you completely accept and understand it with no need to explore it as a new whole, because it is a part of you. The lucid dream, though paramount, is hard to achieve. You must break free of the blind acceptance of the dream, but you must do it gently as to not shock yourself awake. The integral balance lies within the lucid dream.
Understanding lucid dreams made me understand something else. If a dream is the usual, the normal, the accepted, and the lucid dream is seeing all and understanding all in the dream without exploring or needing to research, then so is the relation to everyday life and mass consciousness. Not many people lucid dream, and even fewer remember it if they do. There are many techniques to make yourself likely to attain such a dream, but there are no guarantees. You just have to do what you can and be prepared for the moment when it arrives.
I've realized that today. I need to learn and explore and grow within my world. However, there are so many books, and maps, and understandings of the world. There are even books and techniques to achieve the hyperspace of consciousness. But there are no books on what that consciousness is, or how to guarantee its attainment, or the personal changes you have to make or un-make to be apart of it. That's because, "the limits of my language are the limits of my world". We do not yet have enough understanding to put it into words, and there are so many unknown variables that a how-to guide can only be vague at best.
And it has suddenly 'clicked'. I was trying to know and understand this hyperspace, and get there already. I made the jump but I was still attached to the cliff.
There is no jumping. You don't jump off the cliff at all. You stand at its edge and step off the edge. Once off it's edge you disintegrate as your former sense of one goes away and you become a part of that consciousness. You do not seek to understand it, because you are it.
With this new understanding I awoke this morning feeling euphoric and in a creative meditative state. Yesterday I was dangling from the cliff, attached by unknown and unseen cords and tethers. I now am floating off the cliff's edge. Still attached to the cliff, but understanding that I am. Knowing that I am attached to it, but in knowing that, I am far better off than I was before. I am ensuring that my soil and sun are at the optimum conditions. I no longer need to dangle, by dangling, the tethers become my focus, another thing to understand and learn and try and sever, instead of allowing myself to just be.
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