Sages

Peering through teary eyes, I look over at where my sages had been. Only emptiness fills the vacuum left by their former presence.

"This isn't the way it was supposed to be!" I cry out to the darkness around me.

"The fact that this is how things have become prove it was supposed to be this way." The memories of those who once filled the void answer back.

My sages, my wise ones. They connected me to spirit and consciousness I hadn't experienced.

"I thought you would always be there. We all said you would..." I sobbed uncontrollably, floating through the abyss.

"Those were merely words. Words that fell and were unnoticed like a single grain of sand. Our actions are what survive eternity; our words will forever be lost." The memories echoed back.

They had been around for as long as I can remember. Parts of a whole, we were. Both physical, mental, emotional, spiritual. Whole. It was Nirvana when we were around. We were able to shake hands, hug, hold, love, and be. It was an all-consuming feeling.

"I cannot do this alone. I am so alone..." I let the wave of anger get supressed by sadness as another wave of tears rolled down my face.

"If you cannot, then you will perish. A long, slow, painful deah. Emotional death, spiritual death, then eventually your physical self shall perish. Is this what you wish?" My brain rattled from the bluntness of the statement.

The anger came out now. No longer contained.

"You all left me! You are gone! I am all alone and you wish me dead! You want me to suffer without you! You are selfish." I screamed.

"Yes, anger, let it out. It's healthy. Selfish? Who is selfish? The ones who leave to continue their own journies, or the man crying for others to change and alter their lives to be apart of his? You should really understand your language's definitions before spouting them out." The memories and the void seemed to sneer at me. Mocking me.

It had been many long years. We had experienced every journey there was to imagine, and still we had held together, still had limitless adventures to undergo.

I didnt speak.

"Silence? Do not mistake your silence for acceptance. You are far from that. You must understand what has happened. Allow the emotions to come through, and run their course. If you will not speak on your own, how about a question? If we are gone, then to whom are you speaking?"

The question seemed simple to begin with, I was going to give the simple and obvious answer. I paused. Then answered anyway, to test my theory.

"I am talking to myself..."

"Yes, yes you are. But why is it that you are being answered in ways you would not answer yourself?"

"Because... it doesn't matter if you are here or not. I know exactly what you will say. I already have the wisdom that I thought I needed you around to inbue me with. You have already given me that gift, and it can never leave."

"Like a scar. For better or worse, it will always be there, and everytime you see it, you will have all the same memories you had as if it had just happened. Our impressions on you had no effect on physical proximity or how often we spoke. Just by having the experiences we have had together, we have made a permanent version of each other in each of our consciousness"

I sat up. I could see the circular floor under me. The void passed by as I stood on the platform. I was no longer drifting through darkness, and now gliding through the unknown. The pedestals where my sages had once stood were again visible.

"Allow us to be where we were and exactly what we were. A scar may make you smile and frown, but it will forever be there, and you must let it just be. Choose to enjoy the good memories, but understand the bad ones. Let them both pass through you effortlessly."

I remembered each and every one of my sages, friends, my loves. Their faces, their voices, their spirits, their auras, their happiness, their sadness, their anger, their clothes, their skin, their love, their eyes, their consciousness, their words.

Each of the spots where they used to stand began to fill as I remembered each part of them.

Finally they were all there again, as if they had never left. All smiling.

There was an extra spot now, one that was open.

"Why is there an extra spot? Nobody is missing."

My sages all laughed simultaneously.

"Nobody that you know yet is missing. You are naive but we didnt think you were -that- naive. Even if we were all going to always be together, you thought it would be -just- us?" They laughed again, then continued...

"That spot is just one, and once it is filled, it will lead you to circles beyond this one. Your spirit is old and you are wise beyond your years, but remember, you are still very young. Not even a quarter through your physical existence."

I spoke now, smiling at the familiar faces that beemed at me.

"Thank you. I love you all so much. I love you more than anything. I love you more than anything can express."

"I love you too." They spoke in unison. "Remember us."

This Guitar Hero/Rock Band War Has Gotten Out of Hand

Yes, I'm going to be the first to say it. Harmonix, and Activision, you are SCREWING GAMERS. I want to say first that I love these music-rhythm games, so this is not a blog rant about people getting hooked on them and not playing real instruments or whatever. This is a plead to the companies. Please stop warring, you are milking poor gamers and parents of young gamers for money. Its gotten ridiculous.

First of all, the instruments for Rock Band 2 and Guitar Her World Tour are slightly different. The GHWT drum pad has one less pad (so there are three in the center instead of four) and adds two cymbal-pads. Great, how the HELL are you supposed to choose which works for you better? And the guitar for GHWT has a touch-pad for faster shredding. Great, so, if I had RB already, i'd now want to spend 70 or 80 bucks for a new guitar controller (or two if you have guitar and bass).

Now, on to the Song Lists. By separating song lists, you divide gamers and friends. If two friends each get a different game (one gets RB2 and the other GHWT) depending on what kind of songs or bands you like, you will prefer one or the other game. So, if you arent into the other game's songs, or dont know them well, when it comes time for a party, you may be put off, or, if its down to a decision of whose party-house to goto, someone will get left behind. So, you just spent 180 bucks on a game that your friends may not wanna jam with you on. Guess you should just hope that you can find some online friends via forums or something.

On to DLC, which doesnt require as much time as ive mostly covered this in my songlist rant. By having artists choose one or the other, you are polarizing people. What if your favorite band hasnt made an appearance on either game and finally, you hear about it coming out for the OTHER version than the one you purchased? Guess you gotta flush out another $60 to buy the other game's disk and download the content.

Unlike the Console-Wars where certain companies sign on with each console beforehand, and that title or series is always seen on that console (even if it is later ported to others as well) you are making a generally stable investment. You know your favorite games and gaming companies, and you can make a stable investment to ensure that you have the correct console for the games you like when they release. You do not get this guarantee from the artists. First off, artists are not publishing on their sites their preference to which game they want their songs on (and i understand the legal reasons behind this) second, each company is not telling their player-base the specific songs and bands that they are trying to get ahold of. This means you have NO IDEA if your favorite band will make an appearance on either game.

So, basically, when companies war, the gamers/players lose. Hands-down. I've scoured many forums and there are a LOT of people who are just going to get both games. This is ridiculous. Personally, I believe that the two companies need to work together and create the next music-rhythm game. This would be ideal, because they could pool their ideas, money, and resources, and the companies would look more legitimate when presenting the idea to the various artists. As we've seen RB2 and GHWT have ~15 songs in common! What the hell guys?! Please dont make gamers pay twice for something they already have, this is ridiculous. If you are going to compete, be competative, not replicative.

In the end, I believe that the two companies getting separate set lists and instrument tweaks/designs, it is a terrible disservice to the gamers, and to fans of music and the artists.

I will state, however, that if I have to choose, I will likely be getting GHWT. The reason behind this is that my favorite bands are Tool, Slipknot, Nine Inch Nails, Static-X, Rage Against the Machine, A Perfect Circle, System of a Down, Korn, (old)LinkinPark, just to name a few, and to finally see Tool release not one but THREE songs for a rhythm game is amazing, plus that may also mean more Tool and possibly APC downloadable content. Also, they've had RAtM and Slipknot music on GH before, so, it just seems to me to be my best bet. On a side note, what the hell is up with them putting Lacuna Coil's Our Truth on there??? Why the hell wouldnt they put the vastly better recognized "swamped"? This is my complaint for a lot of the bands on GH and RB is that the put songs on there that fans of the band specifically would know, but the average joe who listens to the genre wouldnt. I think they need to put more songs on there that are best recognized by the majority, and then later release whole albums for the hardcore fans of the artist, but thats just my opinion and im sure someone will tell me that the songs listed are in fact the most recognizeable, or something like that. I would love to see SOAD's 'Steal This Album' on there, and definately none of the stuff from LinkinPark's newest album should be on there, but that is just my personal opinion. But, I was very pleased to see Korn's Freak on a Leash, and Filter's Hey Man Nice Shot. I would love to see some Powerman 5000, Rob Zombie, Marilyn Manson, and Godsmack on there too.

Also, wtfs up with the editing? Couldnt they make an unfiltered version? Or give the players the option to buy unedited versions of the songs? I mean if ur paying for ur favorite song on DLC, you shouldnt be forced to have them cut out the curse words that accentuate the songs. But thats for another time.

Vastness

The following is a fictional short story im working on, enjoy whats in it so far...


As your eyes scan across this text, you must know one truth about the words you are reading. They are lies. Every word that you see before you is a filthy lie, at its worst, and at its best, it's a horrendously failed attempt at conveying a message beyond words, description, definition, or explaination. This text is illegal to our government, and by reading it, you are agreeing to being labeled a Neo-Nazi, a communist, a terrorist. I am a terrorist and this is terrible propaganda. Terror is the point of these words, to strike fear, to terrorize, to scare. My hope is that I will scare the blinders off of you, and you will wallow in the sweet sorrow I have been in for years. If I am going down, I refuse to go down alone.

Know that this story is a virus in the most real sense possible. Already, by reading this far, the infection has begun to spread. You cannot stop the spread, as it is currently spreading through the curiosity portion of your brain. By now, you have little choice but to read on, let the sickness take its hold, and run its course. The worst diseases in the world are diseases of the mind, and it is my intention to top those illnesses, and infect you with a disease even worse. An incurable disease that permeates your every fiber, and will never let you free of its ever-presence. I must now continue administering the disease.

Chapter 1

The most extreme and profound events in human or personal history have been based around a word or phrase. I will tell you the phrase that marked my childhood history. Fame and fortune. Everyday that I sat down in front of the television, I saw celebrity news, rumors, and interviews. The same went for the War. Everyone was famous. If you had a child or relative, or friend who served in the war and passed away, you were granted fifteen minutes on the local news channel. Tragedy thrilled those whom it had not personally struck, and it turned unknown people into eternal heroes.

The Contention of How/Why

I recently came to a realization. I realized that there are many things that humans have the ability to do, that separates us from the animals around us. Nothing special there, but let me delve into that for a moment.

Humans have two things that defines our specific abilities. The first is constructive thought in the form of 'how'. This is our ability to understand ecosystems, our biological place on the planet, the way that symbiotic relationships between species form a cycle that continues to replenish life on the planet.

The way I break that down is that an eagle in the USA doesn't know about elephants or wolves, or bacterium. It eats when its hungry, sleeps when its tired, and procreates when it can. If it does happen upon an elephant, it doesn't try and understand the thing. It doesn't try and distinguish it from the other things that it knows of. It merely accepts it as something that is either harmful to itself, or not.

Human beings cannot do this. We cannot just look at something and not try and understand it. We have a craving to understand it. This is where Science has come in. It's the best tool we have made for the 'How' question we have about everything around us.

Schools all over the world accept that we must teach our children as much of the 'How' that we can. This is seen in English class (in English-speaking countries) because you must know how to use your language. It's seen in Mathematics and Science, as you must understand how the planet works, as well as the creatures on it. It is also seen in History class as we must understand how things came to be the way they are today.

That covers the 'How', and now I get to the 'Why'.

There is an increasing movement here in the USA to have prayer and creationism taught in our schools. Until recently I dismissed it as religious totalitarianism, but I finally understand it is much more than that.

Religion seems that it would develop naturally from our consciousness. Our consciousness separates us from the animals, however, unlike instinct, we cannot just go through consciousness and just 'feel it out'. We have to feed the 'How' of our consciousness and enrich the 'Why'. However, in order to make our consciousness seem understandable, and attainable, we have to put limits on it. If we say to ourselves "our consciousness leads us to God. And I have the rules of which to follow to attain great knowledge and understanding of the way the world works. The rules are here in this book, my Bible." then, it helps us to get a better grasp on the hugely, and infinitely amazing depth of our consciousness. We feel that we have control of it, and understanding of it.

This is the 'Why'. Why are we here? Why am I lonely? Why did the universe come into existence. The fact is that Religion is the most widely accepted answer to this 'Why'. You are here because God put you into your body. You are lonely as a test of your faith. The universe came into existence because God wanted to make existence. Religion is the only widely accepted answer to 'Why'. And that is where the problem comes from.

The fact is that the sceintific people of the 'How' answers believe that there is only 'How' and that through 'How' everything can eventually be attained. The 'Why' religious people believe that all answers can be attained through 'Why'. And neither wants to accept that both questions, How and Why, are necessary for our human consciousness.

The proof that How and Why are necessary are seen everyday. We need religion, but why? Because it answers Why. It is the most widely accepted answer to 'Why'. If you do not want religion to be around anymore as the New Atheists do, then create a new form of Why. Instead, they fall on their sword and say that How is the only answer and need for answer. So, all the religious who have asked Why, and have gotten answers from their religious leaders, are being told 'Nope. Not only do you have no answers, but the way you are going about getting answers is all wrong.' And this negates their feeling that they got/get when their 'Why' is answered. This negates their peak experiences that they are told is the Divine Hand. You cannot take a basket of apples from someone and hand them a single orange and try and convince them that they aren't losing anything.

The same goes for religion. Someone with a basket of oranges, the scientific and New Atheist community, cannot be shown an apple and be told 'this is all you need. If you have this, you shall never need anything else.' If you talk eloquently enough, they may be dissuaded from their basket of oranges, and once they try the apple, may end up staying with apples. They eat this apple, and it tastes wholly different from the oranges they have been so used to. The same goes for the religious. However, both side goes too far. What we need is BOTH apples and oranges in our basket. The fact that people can enjoy both apples and oranges, and everyday, thousands of people transition from an apple to an orange, or from an orange to an apple, this fact, shows that there must be something about oranges and apples that we need.

What we must realize is that it isn't the apple or the orange that we need, but both, as well, we must understand both why and how of each. How can we transition between apples and oranges? Because our tastebuds allow us to taste the various flavors. Why do we transition between apples and oranges? Because there is something about each that you cannot get from the other.

This comes back to the idea that I mentioned earlier. The want for prayers in schools. However, if creationism is taught alongside evolution, it will degrade the scientific value of evolution. And it will degrade and confuse children because how are they supposed to choose which science to follow? The problem is that schools (elementary, middle and high schools) only require knowledge of How, and only teach How. People are to learn the various Why outside of school. But every person needs to answer for themselves Why, and to keep it outside of schools, means that everyone accepts that people do not need to know Why, or at least, they dont need it enough to be taught about it.

So, the problem comes from this because there is no Why in schools. That is, at the core, what those who want Creationism/Intelligent Design in schools want to see. However you cannot teach children a How in the same breath of Why. It confuses and twists things in their head.

So, here is my proposition. A compromise. Prayer cannot be brough back into schools, because you must then ask 'Which prayers'? If its the Hail Mary, Christians cannot accpet that, as they do not pray to Mary. And if you pick the Lord's Prayer, you will ostricize the Muslims, non-theists, and all the various other religions. It would cause more problems than it is worth. The solution is not creationism in schools. But Why in schools. The people who are pro-How will be anti-Why. And the pro-Why are becoming increasingly anti-How, taking their children to religious private schools, or homeschooling them.

The compromise is realizing the source and core of why the religious Fundamentalists want creationism in schools. They want their children to understand Why. Unfortunately, they are given an extremely narrow view of Why, as with most religions. The Why needs to accept that, not only are there many various types of Why, but also that their children do need How. And the How need to accept that everyone needs Why.

I propose that we teach our children Why in schools. Not the Christian Why, or the Muslim Why, or the Catholic Why, or the New Age Why. We must teach them all these Why's, and the Why of Nietzsche, and Krishnamurti, and Daniel Dennett, and the Why of Buddha, and of both eastern and western philosophies.

The fact is that we need our children to understand the Why, and learn critical thinking and understanding of mass consciousness. This is innate with us. If we teach them How and they have a peak experience, and someone with a Bible tells them it was Jesus Christ, they will be Born Again. If we tell our children that Allah and Muhammad are Why, and someone comes along with fossils of evolution, they will doubt and question their Why teachings and may drop them entirely. However, Whyers and Howers never lose their want for the answer to both. A Hower asks "What is our place in this universe, and what happens when we die?" and they are answered by Howers "We came from the things that came before us, and we do not yet know exactly what happens when we die, but we are gonna find out someday". The Whyer asks "Wat is our place in the universe, and what happens when we die?" and they are answered by the other Whyers of their faith "God put us here. And you go to heaven when you die. Any other question you may ask, the answer is that we do not know, but God will show us someday."

This shows that we need the How and Why both. I am trying to imagine a world where our children come home from school speaking of Buddha and Christ, and Dennett and Nietzsche in the same breath. A Philosophy class thoroughout our schooling, I believe, is necessary. We must stop denying that all humans ask Why and will search for answers to it. We must stop driving them from school and into their Churches or Mosques for these answers. We must stop denying that all humans ask How and will search for answers to it. We must stop driving them into schools and making them ostricized from those who ask Why.

A child of Christian parents, a child of Muslim parents, a child of Atheist parents, all four years old, are on a playground. None of the children fight or squabble any more than with those of their own parent's faith. But take a Muslim, a Christian, and an Atheist adult in the same room, and what happens? Each has locked themselves into their own How/Why view. Something happens between the time that those children become adults. We get solidified into a single ideal. The ideal of science, of everlasting life, of heaven, of reincarnation. Now imagine if children were taught Eastern and Western philosophies and religions from an early age. Do you think they would hijack an airplane? Try and convert the poor of Third Worlds to Christianity? Do you think that they would get into a shouting match on Youtube comments section against the Fundamentalists? Or do you think that they would be more critical thinkers? Do you think they would have more respect, and knowledge, of their fellow man?

When it all comes down to it, every single human being with consciousness asks both How and Why. We are all How/Whyers. The problem is when we lose sight of that and make ourselves Hower or we make ourselves Whyers. We are not one group against another, we are people who are trying to grasp our vast consciousness, and live our lives as best as we can.

Thank you for your time.

Floating Over the Cliff's Edge

The scariest thing about vertical growth of consciousness is a hands-off understanding and growth of it, at least directly hands-off. The thing that I myself have a hard time getting past is that through meditation and self understanding you will grow. You may never reach the ultimate constant witnessing of a peak experience, but you must enjoy the occassional samsara.

The hard thing to grasp is that growth of consciousness will come naturally, like a plant, given the right conditions. However you must make sure that you are at the most optimum condititions to recieve that seed's growth. The soil, the basis for the seed's life, must be nutrient rich. Keep learning and understanding to enrich your consciousness' soil. The seed will need sunlight to be able to feed itself. Keep meditating to ensure that your consciousness can sustain itself without your direct interferance. Keeping all your conditions optimum means that eventually the seed will grow, your consciousness will expand and you will flex/flow. But, like the soil and the sun, it doesn't wait for the seed. It doesnt need the seed to benefit all the other seeds and life.

That is the hard part, keeping yourself at optimum condidtions and not yearning or waiting for the seed to arrive. I happen to be very goal-oriented, and when I want to accomplish something, I get it done. However, I've come to realize that this driving mechanism for my existance up until now, is tethering me to lower-consciousness. This striving for learning and understanding has gotten me this far, and I now realize that it too must be let go of.

I currently dangle over the cliff's edge. I'm surrounded and can peer into the hyperspace of open consciousness. However i'm dangling off the cliff's edge, tethered to it by the things i've used to get me to the cliff and finally to jump. The jump wasnt hard. I wanted it, and I wanted to understand it. I wanted to be immersed in it. That is the cord that keeps me attached to the cliff. I am so close to hyperspace, I can see it, but I'm not free of the cliff enough to explore and understand it.

That's when it happened. My dreams seem, for me, to be the ultimate gateway into understanding. In a dream, you are aware of this new world, and you completely accept and understand it with no need to explore it as a new whole, because it is a part of you. The lucid dream, though paramount, is hard to achieve. You must break free of the blind acceptance of the dream, but you must do it gently as to not shock yourself awake. The integral balance lies within the lucid dream.

Understanding lucid dreams made me understand something else. If a dream is the usual, the normal, the accepted, and the lucid dream is seeing all and understanding all in the dream without exploring or needing to research, then so is the relation to everyday life and mass consciousness. Not many people lucid dream, and even fewer remember it if they do. There are many techniques to make yourself likely to attain such a dream, but there are no guarantees. You just have to do what you can and be prepared for the moment when it arrives.

I've realized that today. I need to learn and explore and grow within my world. However, there are so many books, and maps, and understandings of the world. There are even books and techniques to achieve the hyperspace of consciousness. But there are no books on what that consciousness is, or how to guarantee its attainment, or the personal changes you have to make or un-make to be apart of it. That's because, "the limits of my language are the limits of my world". We do not yet have enough understanding to put it into words, and there are so many unknown variables that a how-to guide can only be vague at best.

And it has suddenly 'clicked'. I was trying to know and understand this hyperspace, and get there already. I made the jump but I was still attached to the cliff.

There is no jumping. You don't jump off the cliff at all. You stand at its edge and step off the edge. Once off it's edge you disintegrate as your former sense of one goes away and you become a part of that consciousness. You do not seek to understand it, because you are it.

With this new understanding I awoke this morning feeling euphoric and in a creative meditative state. Yesterday I was dangling from the cliff, attached by unknown and unseen cords and tethers. I now am floating off the cliff's edge. Still attached to the cliff, but understanding that I am. Knowing that I am attached to it, but in knowing that, I am far better off than I was before. I am ensuring that my soil and sun are at the optimum conditions. I no longer need to dangle, by dangling, the tethers become my focus, another thing to understand and learn and try and sever, instead of allowing myself to just be.